I'm Not a Bitch, I'm Simply Assertive
Growing up, I was told I needed to stop being a bitch.
Throughout my teenage years and into my early adult life , I thought because I knew what I wanted, had no fear of speaking up and didn’t care how anyone felt about me, that that made me stronger than most.
But people thought that I came off as a bitch and that wasn’t my intention.
Because I heard this soo much from people I decided to sit and reflect why this was and made a few changes that still allowed me to be myself while having me show up in my best light to people.
I noticed this..
During those years, I lacked self-awareness and as a result, even though I knew all these things about myself, I neglected to take into consideration how my assertiveness impacted those I interacted with.
The reason why people thought I was a bitch was because people thought I was aggressive.
Once the word “aggressive/aggressor” is attached to someone, it’s hard to see them in any other light. That was an unfortunate truth in my case.
Through my self-reflection,I noticed what I lacked was compassion.
An assertive person protects their rights, feelings, and values WHILE making sure that that they speak the same way they would like to be spoken to. This last past is where the compassion comes in.
An aggressive person protects their rights, feelings, and values at the EXPENSE of others. So they may be someone who speaks to people as if they are less than, which is not a way I would like to be spoken to.This aggressive person lacks compassion.
Being clear about your needs and encouraging others to also be clear about their needs is very compassionate to everyone involved.
There is no harm in being explicit with your needs and being assertive enough to not waver even if the initial response is some form of push-back.
It is up to you to conscience that those you encounter may not be where you are in their personal journey.
This is where you have compassion for them and make sure that the way you say things is a way you would like to be spoken to as well.
It doesn’t mean water down the truth. You just making sure it’s a truth you can sip on as well.
While you’re off being secure, authentic, and deeply in love with you who are and how you assert yourself, remember to make space for the next person to feel that way.
Now be honest with yourself?Are you assertive or aggressive? Can you be a little more compassionate? Let us know in the comments below.
This article was written by #SelfishBabe Ify.
Ify is a born and raised NYC native with big dreams and an even bigger taste for creative writing, self-development, and pure happiness. Clinical oncology researcher and (future) MD by day and an avid traveler, wine connoisseur, and blogger by night. She just one girl hoping to inspire conversations on all things controversial, raw, honest, and meaningful