B*tch, Stop Letting Circumstance Dictate Your Happiness

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So you’ve reached a point where you feel like life is constantly beating you up without giving you a chance to exhale. You take two steps forward and get knocked four steps back. Your circumstances become too overwhelming for you to even want to see the good in life.  An obsession develops with the things that are going absolutely wrong or not the way you planned, and you end up missing out on all the beauty surrounding you.

If this is you, honey, we have GOT to change this!

So how exactly do we let our circumstances swallow our happiness? We set goals for ourselves and plan out our lives, yet unexpected shit happens that takes us completely off track. Am I saying that we should always remain happy, even though things around us are a total shit-show? No. We are human! But do NOT let unhappiness linger. Throw yourself a pity-party if you need to and when the party's over, clean up, go to bed, wake-up the next day and continue to live your best life (with a positive mind-set).

Yea I know, if only it were that easy.

 I admit I’ve been guilty of circumstantial happiness (allowing external situations to impact my happiness). I would always say things like, “When I get a better job, I’ll be happy… If I made more money, I would be happy…If this did/didn't happen, I would be happy.” I have spent so many years (what feels like my entire life) being unhappy because I zoomed my focus in on all of my shitty situations--relationships, jobs, friendships, health issues, financial hardships-- I was experiencing back to back. I hate to think about all of the beautiful opportunities/lessons God tried to bring to my attention early on in my life that completely went over my head.

I was only happy when I felt like I had complete control and my life was flowing the way I planned at a given moment. My issue is that I forget that things in life are actually out of my control. I hate unexpected changes and I HATE not being able to change things that are beyond my reach. What I have learned is that you need to find peace during your circumstances.  

I needed help in this department, so I had to pray and ask God that He would help me find some.

But sis, just remember peace comes with surrendering to your circumstances and having faith that every storm is just a moment in your life that will pass. You have to trust the process.

So how can we do a better job at stopping our circumstances from hindering our happiness?

1.    Give yourself permission to feel…whatever emotion it may be. Be present and aware of your feelings and then choose how you want to respond. How you respond will leave a greater impact on your mood and spirit

2.    Get rid of negative nancys. Energies are 100% transferable. DO NOT surround yourself with people who will add negativity to your day or circumstances. You want to be around people with a positive and motivating spirit. 

3.    Shift your focus! If you focus on everything that is going wrong, what happens when life is trying to get your attention and present you with a blessing?, Or a lesson?…But you’re too busy…worrying about your shit-storm. And sis, let’s be honest, you have things to be appreciative of and happy about in your life even when things are turned upside down.

4.    Do what you love. Never stop doing activities you love doing! This keeps your spirit lifted and helps shift your focus.

5.    Keep working on yourself. This one will always be my favorite. I didn't reach a point where I felt like I stopped allowing my circumstances to impact my happiness until I was completely happy with me. When you are unhappy with things around you, none of that shakes you if you are happy with the person you are.

 What are some ways you keep your happiness from disappearing during rocky moments in your life?

This article was written by #SelfishBabe Ambery.

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Ambery was born in Baltimore, Maryland with a love of dancing, writing, and encouraging others. She finds joy in focusing on her self-love journey and desires to use her writing to motivate others along the way.

IG: Privatedancer

Blog: https://medium.com/@amberybowman