Let That Hurt Go

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Listen, I know we’ve all experienced hurt and pain from someone close to us. Forgiving a person is probably the last thing on your mind after suffering a major disappointment. Yet, unforgiveness creates a root of bitterness that grows over time and infects various areas of our lives (relationships, raising children, self-esteem, etc.). When you choose not to forgive, you are-- in essence--burying emotions. And those feelings will never go away, until YOU decide to deal with them. 

So, maybe you have the desire to forgive but feel as though you can’t. Or you’re unsure how?

Well, news flash sis, do better! 

Forgiveness is hard. But it isn't impossible.

You want to continue to grow and become the best version of yourself, right? Well, you gotta let that hurt go!

I was that girl who struggled to forgive an absentee father, a best friend of 6 years who easily walked away after pursuing a romantic relationship, friends who have betrayed me, and people with whom have taken advantage of me. 

The heaviness of it all became too much for me. Therefore, in order for me to be free, I had to do the motherf*cking WORK, y’all. 

And repairing didn’t start until I was ready to forgive.

So, whether your pain is from an ex, a parent that chose not to be in your life, your best friend, or that b*tch who went around spreading rumors about you in high school-- regardless of the source of your pain-- you cannot truly heal and blossom into the beautiful woman you are meant to be if you have not learned to forgive, boo. 

Easier said than done- I get it

Forgiveness and the act thereof has NOT easily come to me either. And it is something that I work on, daily. 

Shit got so bad that I KNEW I needed HELP! 

So, I went to therapy. I realized the amount of damage holding onto all of this caused me. Thus, I disconnected from the world (social media and party scene included). And I spent more time with my Creator and working on self. But most importantly, I chose NOT to rush the process.

It takes time, my loves.

Once you make that conscious decision, here are 4 steps to follow that will allow you to release those negative vibes, bringing you peace :

1. Acknowledge what happened. Think about how it made you feel and your reaction. Accept that it happened and that you cannot go back and change it. You cannot begin to forgive until acceptance takes place. 

2. Don’t take it personal. We are all dealing with some type of pain that stemmed from somewhere. Ever heard of the saying, “hurt people hurt people”? As spiritual beings we should always be aware of another’s pain. 

3. Turn that pain into purpose. Everything happens for a reason. Learn and grow from the situation. What did it teach you about yourself? What about your needs and boundaries? Your greatest lessons come from the person who is the hardest to forgive.    

4. Check yourself. More than likely it’s harder to forgive someone if you haven’t forgiven yourself. Take some time to dig deep. Is there something you hold over your head? Are you being too harsh on yourself? One of the keys in a healthy self-love journey is forgiving yourself. 

Now let me just say these steps do not excuse or condone what that person did to you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean your feelings go away, or that you forget what happened completely. It also is not necessary for you to reach out to tell a person you forgive them. 

Forgiveness is for you! What are you gaining from the infection of bitterness? 

Say this out loud: “The woman I am becoming forgives and releases”.

How are you practicing the art of forgiveness? Sound off in the comments below.

This article was written by #SelfishBabe Ambery.

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Ambery was born in Baltimore, Maryland with a love of dancing, writing, and encouraging others. She finds joy in focusing on her self-love journey and desires to use her writing to motivate others along the way.

IG: Privatedancer

Blog: https://medium.com/@amberybowman