Check Your Fucking Feelings
I love a good routine just as much as the next gal but some weeks I wish I could say to hell with it, you know? It would be amazing to say a massive goodbye to my endless schedulers and planners, even if just for a day. But knowing the type of person I am, that just would never happen. Some months ago, I was over— with a capital O— my daily routine. I was pursuing graduate school at this time and everything was so…boring. I wasn’t excited to wake-up and accomplish anything. I felt as though I was stuck in a lifeless marriage (a bit dramatic I know, but I’m trying to paint a picture here) doing the same shit 24/7; go to work, hit the gym, study, work on my blog, attend that event, etc.
It was all becoming so pointless.
I’m willing to put some serious money on this next statement:
Nobody ever wants to feel like their life or the things that they do in life are pointless.
And yet, that’s exactly how I felt. Naturally I had to explore those feelings because, you know, self-awareness and all. What I came up with was that, I wasn’t necessarily over my schedule/routine. I was just truly over the shit that was on it. I had focused much of my routine on graduate school because for as long as I could remember that’s all I ever wanted. But without warning, it was like I couldn’t care less about it. The idea alone was annoying.
I wondered what that said about me as a person? How can I want and work for something for so long and then turn around and not care about it at all?
This HAS to be apathy.
There's something scary about becoming apathetic about something you used to love. It can seem like you are losing a part of yourself. Like you've lost your sense of self.
It’s scary to think about what would happen if you ceased doing that one thing that makes you who you are. For me, I was terrified of what I would think about myself? What would I even do with myself if I don’t go to graduate school and pursue that career? How would I define myself if not by the activities I’ve always done? Who would I be?
Truthfully I had no idea, but that meant I needed to find the answer. Through many discussions and talks with my circle, apathy- just like any other emotion, is just a feeling. Duh right?
Apathy is a feeling. Our feelings are created from our thoughts. Our thoughts are why we feel apathetic. This is so important to understand. It's not because you have a full schedule. It's not because you don’t hangout with that person. And it's not because work is stressful.
Circumstances are neutral.
It is your thought about the circumstance that makes you feel apathetic. So if you shifted you’re thinking better thoughts, the feelings will also shift. Now if you honestly believe your new thought, then go for it. But my guess is most of us can't go from 'I hate my job and it feels pointless to find a new role’ to ‘I hate my job and until I find something better, I can still be happy’. We have to gradually get there.
Overcoming Feelings of Apathy:
1. First, we have to understand why we think it's a problem anyway. Really understand what about the job is bothering you. Is it the job specifically or is it the people you work with? Maybe it's because you feel the role isn’t fulfilling any longer? Go deep and get to the heart of the problem. I tend to get my thoughts down on paper so I can examine them clearly.
2. Think on purpose. This is what I meant by choosing better thoughts. Ask yourself how you want to feel about the situation. You have the power to choose your thoughts. You have to believe them if you really want to feel better.
3. Action! Get back to doing the things that make you who you are. I want you to take away three things here: self-care, service, and creativity. It’s so important to take care of yourself. Smile. Even when you don't feel like it. You cannot be angry with a smile on your face. Let happiness come to you, open the door.
I had to come to terms with that I may be a totally different person; and that’s really exciting!
The whole point of life is to continuously grow and discover who we are in each season. So, if we stop looking to be who we always were, it’ll make it that much easier to see who we are becoming.
When we can do that, you’ll notice how much more alive and present you’ll feel in every aspect of your life.
How has your thinking affected your reality? What changes can you make starting TODAY?! Sound off in the comments below.
This article was written by #SelfishBabe Ify.
Ify is a born and raised NYC native with big dreams and an even bigger taste for creative writing, self-development, and pure happiness. Clinical oncology researcher and (future) MD by day and an avid traveler, wine connoisseur, and blogger by night. She just one girl hoping to inspire conversations on all things controversial, raw, honest, and meaningful.