Three Practices To Own Who The FUCK You Are

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I can vividly remember always being told that “I was too much” or that I gave my parents “a run for their money” or that “I never knew when to be quiet.”

I’m sure many of us can remember one thing from our childhood that stuck with us through our adult life...

One that stuck for me was “she got the raps” meaning I talked too much as a child. I had a big mouth. I always spoke my mind. I was expressive. I was opinionated. At that age, I didn’t think that was a bad quality to have until I kept hearing that same thing being pointed out, causing me to minimize myself over time.

(I guess that’s why I fell in love with writing at an early age.)

Feeling small is a real thing that unfortunately, for me, started without me having the understanding of what was happening and being taught to me. This “smallness” I felt poured over into me becoming an overachiever growing up. My mom had me in hella sports, dance, cheerleading, Girl Scouts and just every little thing she could find. I was either team leader, captain, or center stage. In school, I had to get good grades, always participated, or was the one people came to for help. These type of positions I strived for and thrived in. They served as an outlet for me to feel bigger.

Fast forward to present day- I’ve become that friend that everyone goes to for advice, that “deep” friend, that friend who takes the time to listen and then give some heartfelt response to their situation. It wasn’t until one of my friends told me “You always go in depth” that I realized that part of myself that was said to be “too much” as a child was really my gift. My strength. Having a voice and being vocal was my release. Was my way to share my feelings in full.

However, I won’t lie- there are still moments where I feel that inclination to refine myself or to make myself smaller to fit the compliance of my day job because ain’t too many that look like me, act, or think like me and because some days I just don’t feel big enough to handle that type of judgement. Yet, everyday, I am learning to lean into myself in moments I feel small and to live fearlessly as me, because to minimize myself means I’m living for someone else who doesn’t quite deserve to be in the same damn space as me.

Below are 3 practices that are helping me to own my space daily:

  1. Finding ways to feel comfortable in my own skin.

    Actively working through my insecurities makes me feel self-conscious, which causes me to shrink and not take up as much space as I deserve to. However, I have been finding that when I rip the bandaid off and show my true self despite how I may look or feel that day, it’s not as painful as walking around trying to hide and fake the funk.

    Finding ways to feel comfortable may look like:
    - Growing your capacity to be vulnerable in order to release the trigger,
    instead of repressing it to yourself.
    or
    -embracing your flaws.  (Not only does it strengthen your confidence, but
    it could also empower someone else to do the same.)

  2. Cleaning the Clutter.

    Clutter consists of- other people’s opinions of you, the importance of how you are perceived over how you feel about yourself, fear of being seen for who you truly are, living for other people’s approval, doing things to be accepted, playing it safe to resist rejection. ALL OF THIS CAN BE THROWN AWAY FOR PERSONAL SPRING CLEANING. I am still working on disassociating myself with this fear of feeling not good enough, but one thing I ask myself is “would I FEEL more free doing it for them, or more free doing it for me?”  

    Fuck aesthetics. It’s all about how my spirit feels at the end of the day.

  3. Doing Myself MORE Favors.

    For me, I love providing joy and comfort to others. I don’t like being that one who always has to say something or has to express their feelings about things when people are just trying to go with the flow or be casual. It makes me feel like I am being an inconvenience and I should do everyone a favor of just keeping it to myself, but I’m learning to do myself more favors by being expressive and releasing my emotions so that I can feel more comfortable. The quickest way to make others uncomfortable is by you, yourself feeling uncomfortable. NOT FOR BEING YOU. That’s the difference. Fully being who you are will inspire the right people to do the same. And those who do feel uncomfortable, are working through their own disconnects.

So, remember don’t squeeze. Don’t stay. Don’t hold your tongue. Move in ways that feel comfortable for you and that encourage you to take up the spaces you deserve.

So, are you ready to take up space #SelfishBabe? Comment below your favorite takeaway!

This article was written by #SelfishBabe Thierra.

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Thierra Walker is a writer and artist based in Philadelphia, who centers her work around love, spirituality, and mental well-being for the transformative self. She is passionate about everyone finding their own form of happiness and achieving peace within self. Her ultimate goal through her writing is to “be the person she needed, and what she needed to hear”.

Website: https://www.thierrawalker.com/

IG: @ThierraW