In Your Fucking Feelings: 5 Ways To Boost Emotional Maturity

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If you’re anything like me… you either think too deep into things that probably won’t happen. 

You get yourself worked up about something that has nothing to do with the present moment. 

Or you look for shit that’s only about to get you upset.

BITCH!! I know that shit is tiring as hell. I know!! 😫😫

The biggest challenge of my emotional journey is being mindful of how I’m handling myself, handling situations, and handling relationships.

The ability to handle hiccups with composure, grace, and compassion without blame, attack, and pity has been “thee” struggle. 

If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s…

Taking responsibility for ourselves is the first step towards emotional maturity. 

After a while, you can’t even blame people or yourself— blame has no place in emotional maturity. You get to a point where instead you immediately begin to ask:

1. “What can I do differently?” or 

2. “What is the solution to this?”

I’ve allowed so many things to get me tight to the point where I’ve allowed my emotions to get beyond my control. And that’s not healthy or beneficial to anyone involved including, myself. It’s important to understand your triggers so that you don’t get all worked up to the point that you become irrational or self-destructive. Understanding your triggers results in emotional growth.

YOU are in charge of how you react and respond.

The most cliche yet powerful statement to live by and master.

I had to learn to take accountability for my own behaviors that contributed to the problem or at least become aware of when I could be a solution instead of a reactant.

Side note: some people and situations are just trash-period, BUT it is still our responsibility to find a way towards peace for our personal well-being., such as creating boundaries with someone or cutting people’s access to you.

Below are 5 ways to boost emotional maturity:

1. Converse with composure 

Don’t be so high toned and verbal tense when you express your emotions because how you come with it, is how you set the stage.  So bitch if you gotta take a second to breathe it out, do that.

2. Be aware of bringing shit up from the past that don’t matter now.

Honestly, it helps to write my concerns down that actually relate to the issue at hand. This allows me to communicate effectively about the present without attacking about the past. Once I’m upset, if my emotions are not in order- I will start ranting about insecure shit that has nothing to do with the actual problem. 

3. Don’t be so quick to attach yourself to what you’re feeling that you don’t take time to nap, calm down, breathe, let it mule, go workout, etc before you choose to react.

This always give you space to take back your power and choose to handle yourself differently. (Notice I didn’t say handle the person, situation, relationship different) but you first. Learn to take time to sit with your emotions is real, but how you react reveals a lot more about you than them.

4. Practice preservation

Yall remember that old saying, “learn when to pick and choose your battles.” Why is that so powerful? Because sometimes they require too much emotional energy, when you need to be conserving energy and more energy efficient. Not everything needs to be addressed for battle, it could be your ego is creating the war. 

5. Listen to understand not attack. Bitch, now this is hard sometimes 😫-

I’ve been told that I only listen to see where it benefits me, when my emotions take center stage, where I’m being acknowledged and where it makes me feel better. I never listen to understand nor hear their struggles , how it makes them feel, or how it can affect them as well. I tend to think I’m the only one who hurts the most , when really two people can be hurt equally and express it differently. 

If nothing else, before you decide to react to a thought, a person, a situation: ask yourself, do I really need to respond this way “right now” or will it just get me all the way fucked up to react “right now”?

This article was written by #SelfishBabe Thierra.

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Thierra Walker is a writer and artist based in Philadelphia, who centers her work around love, spirituality, and mental well-being for the transformative self. She is passionate about everyone finding their own form of happiness and achieving peace within self. Her ultimate goal through her writing is to “be the person she needed, and what she needed to hear”.

Website: https://www.thierrawalker.com/

IG: @ThierraW

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